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I'm goin to turn 19 in a few weeks
And contrary to popular belief, i'm dreading it!
It's strange... i can't exactly explain how i feel... and there's at least one actress that felt the same way abt turning 19 (it was in an interview)
I feel old... it's almost 2 full decades on earth... and how many memorable moments do i have?
-very very few
what i have done worth mentioning?
-absolutely nothing! (if someone says good grades,he needs to get a reality check!)
do i hv a bright future ahead?
-doesn't seem so, it actually looks quite bleak at the moment
do i have any idea what i want to be/do?where i want to live?do i hv a clue abt my 'destiny'?
-sadly would b a big fat NO to all these questions!
Yes, i know i'm a great person,multicultural,intelligent, etc but do any of these indicate success?no really. in fact i can list at least 35/40 ppl who are like me on top of my head.
Whoever is reading this might feel tht i'm mad/clinically depressd with life.
think wht u want to think, i don't care. i know i'm eventually goin to accept my age.
but am i the only one feeling this way?
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It happens to me!
How many memorable moments do I have? Let me see...when Benfica won the portuguese league, that was quite memorable LOL I don't think I have big memorable moments, I just have moments that made me happy for some reason, they are memorable moments for me but maybe not for someone else...I like going to concerts and sometimes they become memorable to me, I don't know if this made any sense...
What I have done mentioning? NOTHING!! And that's probably what makes me more sad...that I just stand here doing nothing and see everything that's going on, I know that there are little things that I could do but I'm probably too lazy for doing any of them and that's a shame!
Do I have a bright future ahead? I'm almost sure I don't!
Do I have any idea what I want to be/do? Where I want to live? Do I have a clue about my 'destiny'? I don't exacly what I want to be and I think that we have to choose too early, I think I'm too young to know what I want to be doing in 20 years (although there are lots of people that know that since they're kids) I'm really liking my degree/graduation (I don't know the exact word) but I don't know if that's what I REALLY want in my life! But I know what want to live in Lisbon, I just love this city!
About the last thing you said...I don't know if I'm a great person or intelligent but I kinda have the feeling that I won't be very successfull, I hope I'm wrong!
Wow...I think I just wrote too much...e agora que acabei de escrever nem sei porque não disse isto tudo em português, teria sido muito mais fácil!
Excelente post Anjali! Adorei mesmo, fez-me pensar em tudo o que disseste...
Olá!
Eu também me senti um bocado assim, sou muito diferente, do que imaginava que seria com esta idade.
Quanto a momentos memoráveis, bem eu tenho imensos, mas são momentos memoráveis para mim, é claro;)
Quanto a coisas que tenhamos feito que valham a pena mencionar, bem, acho que estás a ser um bocado exigente contigo própria, estavas a espera de já ter ganho um prémio nobel, ou feito alguma descoberta com uma importância relevante para o mundo? Só tens 18 anos... As pessoas que se podem gabar de ter feito algo assim mais importante com esta idade são artistas ou desportistas, mos quais nós não nos incluímos, temos de ser realistas.
E como a Caroline disse, as pequenas coisas também são importantes, e isso não é uma desculpa, é verdade.
Eu gostava de nunca ter de deixar a minha cidade, não me consigo imaginar a viver em qualquer outro sítio, nem quero! Só mesmo se tiver de ser. Lisboa e Portugal podem ter muitos defeitos, but they're my home!
Quanto ao meu futuro, eu sei muito bem o que quero, a questão está é entre conseguir atingir os meus objectivos ou não.
Cheer up! :~)
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Oh my! Oh my!
Where the hell have you been, Anjali?! Mensagem has been lacking it's "international reporter"!
I'm glad you're back and I welcome you back to our little blogsphere!
Now, about the post...
Thanks a lot for calling me old! You say you feel old because you have ALMOST 2 full decades of existence...
It has been about 20 years, 3 months and some days since I had my first crying breath in this World... So, I must be really really old!
Okay. Just messing with you...
I don't think this is just you, I feel like that a lot!
You just need to take a second to think and try to understand what is "something memorable".
Maybe you didn't find the cure for cancer, or ended hunger in the World... Maybe you didn't get to end crimes against animals and against humanity, but is that all that matters for a full life?!
What about the moment when you first met your best friends, all the memorable moments I'm sure you had along with them?!...
The moments in which you shown your family how much they mean to you, or even the ones where they shown you how much they love you?!...
What I mean is: We all want to be Einsteins, M.L.Kings, Obamas, Figos, Ronaldos, Mourinhos, Madonnas, Ray Charles, or whatever.
We all want to make something that will remain forever in books and in the memories of people, and that's fine!
But don't forget that just a few people get that kind of memorable achievements. But, in the end, all that matters is what was memorable to YOU! All those little moments when you felt important in someone else's life...
All those happy moments with your friends and family...
It's okay to dream about being someone great in History, but never forget those things that are important to YOU, not to others!
I seriously agree with something that Caroline said in a kind of joke way...
If I look back in life, I might not find memorable things I did. And God knows I'll find a lot of stupid things I did and I wanted undone...
But I know I'll find a lot of great moments when I felt important, loved... Or even when I just felt truly happy because of something, regardless of how little important it may look to other people.
As an example, when I look back in life, looking for memorable moments, I remember the day when I first went to see Benfica at the old Estádio da Luz (we won by 7-0 against Paços de Ferreira), the day when I had the longest and more frequent shivers going up and down my spine, nearly cried of happiness, screamed "CAMPEÕES! CAMPEÕES! NÓS SOMOS CAMPEÕES!!!" and ended dancing with my sister and my mom, singing, along with thousands of people in Parque das Nações and millions throughout Portugal and even the World!
I look back to the day I had my first and only violent reaction to a bully in my class, pushing him against a wall, pulling him trough his shirt collar, raising his feet of the ground because he called my sister some awful names.
I remember as a memorable day too, the day when I proudly voted "YES" for the decriminalization of abortion until the 10 weeks of pregnancy, in Portugal (it was my first vote, and I felt I was helping something as important as the lives of lots of women being achieved).
So, as you see... I didn't do anything specially memorable. Nothing that made people notice me or anything... But I treasure every moment that matters to ME as if I was discovering the key to end poverty, hunger and diseases in the World!
Still aiming to be a world-wide recognized comic book artist, but knowing that that's not everything that matters to make my life worth mentioning!
Hope I added something important to the matter, because I've written the point of my fingers off on the keybord! xP
Stay cool, beautiful critic!
Loved your post!
Peace ;p
i'll just do the same as you Caroline, and write in English...and i'm sorry for the big and horrible mistakes in my "beautiful" english sentences.
It's a strong comment, about life and our toughts to check who we are and what a hell have we done 'till today. And i sooo undestand what u're feelin....because i just turn 19 at november first, and it's creepy to know i should be more....grown up. not in size ( people that know me can laugh about it...=p )but sometimes im to childish, too infant to care about some things that...well...people expect u to do when you have our age. sometimes it's not about a lack of care about some themes, but an extremly more interest in kid's "choices". I guess i have a little ( big big!) child inside me...and i can't say i'm not the reflection of that little fellow that makes me like and do things that i'm doing and liking since my 13 th aniversary....
yeah...i change and i grown a little bit. but.....i'm just saing...that the child inside me just looooveee your post and remind her about the feeling of powerless that she have inside her too....but that she obviouly ignore :)(my adult side...well he dont ignore it and he's more like you... maybe some people can say he's a depressed guy like they problably say to you after reading your post ( and its soo untrue for both))
but dont worry....i hope we all have a lot of time to spend around this world...and i believe that even a little thing can change everything...
butterfly effect, have you heard? i think its true...so....almost two decades around here....we problably have done someting important to someone. we'll be (and do) just fine, just believe....
bj*
so much feedback!:D
one thing i feel tht has beel misinterpreted is the 'memorable moments'. What i mainly meant was not the success/fame, but memorable moments for me,as a person.
You guys hv some, i don't have so many! (i blame my 'amnesia' for that, though!)
oh, one of them has to be my 'watering the palnts' with morgaine 2 yrs ago, i was so high (note: NOT of alcohol!)!!
and another was when we tried to make those damn pancakes n pratically destroyed morgaine's kitchen!
oh another: ' black cat in the bath!' (although this one must be memorable to u all , embarassing for me!)
wht i meant was, compared to the time i'v been living, memorable moments will b a very VERY small fraction!
i feel exactly like betiny!
btw, thnks caroline!! ;)
lion, i'v been here all this time (albeit, sporadically), where hv u been?tht's d question!
does tht mean u'r pro or against abortion? srry, didn't understand very clearly...
oh, and btw guys, when i say success, i don't mean just money/fame. i was thinking of a more philosophical meaning of the word when i was writing the blog.for me success = contentment with life .
And tht's why it's gonna b a loooong time before i can call myself successful.those who know me will know i'm a perfectionist and i am olways pussing myself to the limits!
well, i'm really happy with the response and i'm more glad that my 'feelings' are normal!
So now i can call myself a 'normal freak'! ( freak coz i'm preety much a non-conformist!:P )
take care, have fun and keep writing!!
****
Anjali
Hi Anjali!
I'm going to write in English cause I feel like it=P (hope it's not bad because of the lack of pratice)
Anyway, Anjali loved your post. When I read what u said and the other comments it made me think about my own life. I've turned 19 in August and like the rest of u, I feel like I have some memorable moments in my life, but memorable for me and not to the rest of the world. For example, I remember like it was yesterday the day my sister was born or our fantastic school trips or the day I knew I entered in Medical School or even the day I first kissed my boyfriend=P By the way, i remember u telling me "the cat in the bath" thing ;)
Most of my memorable moments are with friends and family and not moments at work. I think that what we keep are moments spent with people we love but we can't say that our daily routine is memorable.
Well,changing the subject a bit, some of u talked about the future. All I can say is that the future is the most uncertain thing that I know. I would never say that with only 18 years old I will be living out of my parents house in a strange (not strange anymore :P) town. There are things that escape our control. I'm not saying it is the destiny but we can't control everything. Now, my life is completely different from 2 years ago; I live in a different house, in a different town, have different friends, sometimes talk with a different accent (sometimes I can't help it, the northen accent is too strong=P) and maybe because of all that, I'm a different person.The truth is that in 2 years I grew more (mentally) than in 3 years in High School. And all of this change wouldn't have happened if I awnsered right in one multiple choice in Maths exam in the 12th grade. All that I'm saying is u can never say u know what's happening tomorrow.
Well, this is too long already,it's better finish now ;)
Take care and have fun :D
Kisses and tight hugs***
I've been here... Just not hearing from you, I don't know why, Anjali.
I miss talking to you online, either in webcam or instant messaging.
Anyway... That doesn't mean I'm pro nor against it. It means I was pro decriminalizing it.
But if you're asking me now if I'm pro or against abortion itself, I think it's a really delicate discussion, but in the end, I think I'm against it.
I'm against aborting. And I'm surely against using it as a contraceptive method.
I don't think we should solve a problem of an undesired pregnancy with an abortion.
On the other hand, I think that that judgement should not be made by any court of law, any judge or jury.
I think that is a judgement to be made by the persons directly involved. And they should not be arrested for choosing to do it (I can only imagine how hard it may be, specially for a woman, to decide to put an end to the pregnancy).
I'm mostly against a criminalization that made normal the outlaw abortions that were usually made with poor medical conditions. I'm pro defending the lives of women that already suffered to choose to abort.
Ultimately, I'm against abortion, but I'm in favour of decriminalizing it (with the respected boundaries).
To let women - and, of course, men - make that difficult choice, and not make them suffer even more for it!
I highlighted the "men" there, because most people forget that a decision like this should not be just the woman's decision. This is the kind of decision that should be taken just with the consent of both man and woman, since they're both responsible and both parents to be, for the new life developing.
Well, I hope I cleared your head on my opinion, there... :p
Stay cool, beautiful critic!
Peace ;p
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